"The Childe...More restless than the swallow in the skies..." -Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Best of Facebook Status Updates: Volume 3

For the Enjoyment of Those Left Behind

  • SCOPING UPDATE: From my seat here in the library I notice this gal about ten yards away. She appears to be made almost entirely of scarf and parka. Her hair is pulled up, little or no make-up, just cheeks made rosy from the chilly breeze outside. Nothing in her appearance says pretense or show. And she is leafing intently through a "Fables" graphic novel. Damn that is sexy.
  • It happened to me again. After a night of fretting and worrying, I woke up this morning in combat boots, green fatigues, and I was chomping on a cigar. I need to reduce my stress because I'm tired of waking up in the Fidel position.
  • Watching Jeopardy...Very unsettling. Ken Jennings has this expression that could best be described as Open-the-podbay-doors-HAL! But IBM had to have an engineer share a funny anecdote on Watson's behalf. So I feel superior again.
  • In Egypt, citizens have risen up en masse to demand civil liberty and human dignity. In the U.S., our House of Representatives has taken up a bill to defund access to Cookie Monster.
  • Dear Orphaned Puppies, While doing my taxes I threw some extra sugar in the state treasury for animal shelters. If that $10 contribution doesn't make it to you in next fiscal year, you have my blessing to bite the nearest elected official on the
  • Thought I prepared. I have flashlights, canned food, juice, water, chips, a frozen pizza, a backup frozen pizza, and candles. But I forgot to check my supply of Frank's Red Hot Sauce. Does anyone have four-wheel drive?
  • In Holy Writ it is said that a little child shall lead them. At the coffee shop it is shown that a little child can get a table of grown men who are strangers to play with blocks.
  • Jeff Bridges briefly popped into my dreams last night. I asked him if he had fun making the Tron sequel. He gruffly replied, "Well obviously it didn't turn out too well!" Awkward.
  • Gearing up for hike #2 of spring. Backpack loaded, except...where's my Lord Byron anthology? I can't find it. Serious problem! Might have to postpone the hike...Oh, there it is. Under the bills. Nature! Here I come!
  • Jarring the tranquility of the library, an old guy sitting alone at a computer just exclaimed, "Bullshit." I snuck a peek at his monitor. He's doing genealogy.

For my previous collection of pathetic, but successful, attempts to get attention, please read Best of Facebook Status Updates: Volume 2.

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